


Memories of shadows

by ChestnutPatronus14



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Captivity, M/M, Memory Alteration, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 01:03:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChestnutPatronus14/pseuds/ChestnutPatronus14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The worst day of Steve Rogers' life was the day he received the letter saying his best friend had been killed in the army.  He was supposed to be there, fighting along side him, and now he was faced with a world without Bucky.  Everything changed the day two men showed up on his doorstep, told him he could make a difference by helping care for a soldier.  Steve agreed, not knowing that the men were from the Red Room, not knowing that the soldier in question was Bucky, poised to become the Winter Soldier.</p><p>He was given a task, one simple task.  He had to care for the Winter Soldier, the man who had the face of his best friend, but was so different from him.   Care for the Winter Soldier or die.  That was the choice he was given, and for Steve the choice was easy.  </p><p>Written for Erica (1986-2014)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories of shadows

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is an AU where Steve Rogers never became Captain America. Instead he was taken to the Red Room to care for the Winter Soldier. There will be descriptions of violence, and I may change the rating if I feel like I need to.

_Dear Bucky,_

_I hope this letter finds you well and that you are giving the Nazis hell and showing them who is boss.I know that you’re-_

 

The letter was still on Steve’s desk un-fished, as it had been for days.On top of it, stained with tears that had fallen from his eyes was the one he had hoped he would never receive, the one that told him that his best friend had been killed in action.There was a flag, which Steve knew he should have taken care of, but he had dumped it on the bed and had not touched it since.He had no one left in the world, not a single person who knew he existed or cared that he was alive.No reason to keep up with his breathing exercises, no reason to make sure that he could get to the doctor.  

Nothing.No one.

It had taken his neighbor coming to check on him, because his boss at the store he worked had come looking and he had simply ignored it.She had gotten him to get up off of the floor where he had secluded himself, out of the corner and out of the darkness.She had gotten him back on track when all he wanted was to join Bucky, his best friend.  

Even when he had nothing, he had had Bucky, but now he did not even have Bucky, where did that leave him?Up a creek without a paddle, stuck in a dessert without water.Completely and utterly alone.

People would try and talk to him, but even those he had even been remotely close with couldn’t get a word from him.Steve was heart broken, devastated, and it was showing on him physically.He was thinner, a result of not eating properly not only from war rations, but from losing his appetite.He knew people were worried about him, he knew that at some point he needed to start moving on with his life but-

_I’m with you pal, till the end of the line._

That was what Bucky had said after his mother’s funeral.Bucky had always been there for him.The year he had been so sick during his birthday that the doctors though that he might die, that Bucky stayed the entire night, pressed his favorite marble into his hand and told him it was for luck.The year he said the fireworks had been for him.All the cold winter nights where Bucky had come over just to make sure that Steve and his mom were okay.For so long he had relied on Bucky, for so long he had been there for him.After every fight, after every lost job, Bucky had always been there.

Now he was gone, and Steve wasn’t sure how he was supposed to handle it.

His eyes moved to the letter from the army, the one that had brought him the news of what had happened to Bucky.He hadn’t touched it since it had arrived, and couldn’t bare to look at it for more than a few seconds.He brought his shaking fingers to his lips, trying desperately not to start crying again, when a sharp knock at his apartment door dragged him from his haze.

Steve frowned a bit and went to the door, peering out of the peep hole before he opened it.“Can I help you?” The two men standing there were dressed far nicer than most who lived in the area.It was odd, made his stomach twist into a knot with nerves.

“Mr. Rogers?”

“Yes?”

“My name is Agent Nelson and this is Agent Jones.We’re here on behalf of the army, may we come in?”

The army?That did not sound comforting at all.In fact, he had started to wonder if things had become different, and if his multiple times of trying to enlist had caught up with him.“Yes of course,” he replied, standing aside so the two men could enter his apartment.“Can I ask what this is about?”

“Mr. Rogers we know about your attempts to enlist in the army, and while frowned about it was a noble effort that has not gone unnoticed.While your medical records indicate you are not fit to serve, we think that you could be of use somewhere else, helping with injured soldiers. There’s one in particular we have in mind, and he is proving to be quite difficult for us.We were hoping you could help.Is that something you might be interested in?You would be compensated of course.”

Compensation for doing something to help an injured soldier.Helping a soldier in the way he wished that he could have helped Bucky.Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, maybe it would be-

“We are in a rush and need your answer now Mr. Rogers.”

“Of course, I’ll help.”

“Right, pack a bag, only the essentials, you’ll be provided everything else.”

Steve nodded.Something did not sit right with him about what was going on, but he had to get out of the house, and he wasn’t certain that the two men would take him declining well.Just the one soldier and then he could go home and get on with his life.Maybe it was what he needed, a chance to feel useful again, a chance to do something important.

He put a few clothes, his medication for his lungs, a notebook and some pencils, and his toothbrush into the bag.He grabbed his coat and made his way back out into the apartment.

“Are you all set?”Steve nodded.“This way then Mr. Rogers.”Nervous still, he followed them out of the apartment, locking the door behind him.He was led out to a car and got inside.“Something to drink?”Steve looked up, his small bag on his lap. One of the two was holding out a water bottle for him to take.

“Thank you,” he said in a quiet voice, taking the bottle of water to have a long drink.As they drove, Steve felt himself becoming more tired with each passing moment.He always had had a hard time staying awake in the car, and really he had thought not much of it.He closed his eyes, and fell asleep, unaware that the two men had been sent to collect him.

Unaware that for years to come he would not set foot back in America.

 

 

 

 


End file.
